Amanda Kloots is opening up about how raising her son Elvis positively affected her grieving process after the death of her husband Nick Cordero.
The Broadway actor died at 41 after a complicated battle with COVID in July 2020, shortly after their son’s first birthday. As part of TheRetaility.com‘s “In Conversation” series, the television personality, 42, and her close friend and film producer Hilary Shor spoke candidly about the difficult experience.
“I had a 1-year-old baby,” Kloots recalls of her now 3-year-old son.
“You had to bury Nick and, three minutes later, feed [Elvis],” adds Shor.
The mom of one agrees, saying, “Yeah, exactly. There was no time to [think about it]. It was such a blessing. Honestly, I look back, and it was a blessing to roll over every morning and have Elvis right there smiling at me. It saved me.”
“I mean, every single day, there was no other option. Also, it was still the height of COVID. To have people over [wasn’t a possibility]. It was [only my] inner circle. [There] wasn’t an option of, ‘I’m just going to take him to daycare all day, and I’m just going lay here and cry.’ There was no [other] option [but to keep moving].”
In a post-COVID world, the Tell Me Your Dreams author says she still prefers to watch her child herself, as opposed to daycare or babysitters.
“As a parent, I’m adding at least $100 onto my bill because of babysitting,” says Kloots as she discusses her dating life. And when she does hire a sitter, Kloots says, “I treat my babysitters well because it’s my child, and when I think about a dollar amount to keep my child safe, healthy, and happy — there is no dollar amount.”
Amanda Kloots and son Elvis.
Amanda Kloots/Instagram
She explains that despite the devastation, the biggest blessing in being a single mom is the unbreakable bond she has with her only child.
“Right now, his family unit is just him and [me]. I will say, though, that one of the biggest blessings in being a single parent these last four years [is our bond],” Kloots explains.
Kloots then recalls dreaming of building a larger family with Cordero, saying, “And I never would have wished it on myself, obviously. I never thought it was going to be my path. I always pictured Nick and I raising a child or two children or three children together. [I remember] dreaming of that.”
“But the bright side – because I always try to find a positive spin on things – is that our bond is so [strong]… I could cry over it,” she shares, holding back tears.
Nick Cordero, Amanda Kloots. D Dipasupil/FilmMagic
Kloots reveals that having Elvis made the grieving process easier because he pushed her to keep moving, and simultaneously allowed her to grieve on her own.
“Sometimes, I’m like, ‘Oh my God, what would my journey be like if I didn’t have Elvis?’ And then I’m like, ‘I don’t want to think about that,’ because it would have been so hard.”
“What is wild though,” she adds, “is I have a friend who’s a new widow. She has two boys, who are 10 and 12. I always tell her, ‘I’m amazed by you because I know the grief you’re dealing with on your own. But I got to grieve alone.”
She continues, “I didn’t have to grieve for my child. I didn’t have to watch my child grieve. I didn’t have to deal with him screaming and crying at night or asking about Dada. It’s coming. I know I’ll deal with it with Elvis. But I’m a completely different person now having even just four years of grief healing than I will be when I have to deal with that. So, I hold people in the highest esteem when they are grieving and their children are. …. I got to grieve so selfishly.”
