An anonymous woman took to the internet after she completely lost her cool on her father and stepsister at a café during lunch. She was concerned after her father called her “too spiteful” for the exchange.
The bride-to-be shared her story on Reddit’s infamous AITA (“Am I the A–hole”) forum to find out just that. Was her response justified considering what had just been asked of her? Or was her reaction over the top?
OP (a.k.a. “the original poster”) broke down her familial history and relationships, as well, which only fueled the strong reaction from Redditors to the situation she finds herself in.
Read on to find out her story, her explosive reaction, and where things stand now.
The 25-year-old anonymous woman started her story with some family background. She shared that her mom died when she was 10 and two years later her dad married a woman who had an 11-year-old daughter. “Dad went from being an okay but not great dad to me, to focusing so much on his stepdaughter that there were times he forgot about me,” wrote OP.
She then offered a few examples of how this ultimately led to an estrangement between the stepsisters, as well. “After one incident where he literally left me behind in a mall in another state, he acted like he felt so bad that he took me out as a sorry on his stepdaughter’s birthday,” she explained.
“From that day onward she and I could not stand each other and we really don’t wish the other well, we both want the other to go away and we stay away from each other where possible.”
According to OP, her stepsister told her, “I hadn’t deserved an apology because she needed his attention and love more than I did.” She said there were two more similar incidents where her father would apologize to her and her stepsister would be hurt. But ultimately, OP said, “I got used to being the one he put last.”
She said that she distanced herself from him when she left for college. “After a couple of years he realized it was happening and he begged and pleaded with me to try and forgive him,” she wrote.
“I told him how much it hurt for him to prioritize his stepdaughter so much,” she continued. “I brought up being left behind. The fact that he would promise me a certain gift and then get it for his stepdaughter instead. All the times he took off work to support her and would miss all of mine. I told him how it made me feel and that it made me not want him around after a while.”
After this conversation, OP said things got better “in the last three years especially.” She felt that her father was showing up for her more. But then … the wedding.
OP was surprised when her stepmother and stepsister (who she only refers to as “his stepdaughter” in her story) joined them for a luncheon. “We were talking about my upcoming wedding and he asked me to change the date, because his stepdaughter wants to book her wedding for this year and the only date is the same as mine,” she explained.
“His stepdaughter said dad needs to be at her wedding because he’s giving her away and if I want him to do the same, which he already agreed, to, I need to change or he’ll be going to hers,” OP wrote. When asked if it was true, her father told her, “It doesn’t have to be.”
“I asked him if he would choose her wedding over mine and he said yes,” she revealed. “So I told him to f–k off and forget about coming to my wedding. Then I looked into his stepdaughter’s stupid smug face and told her to enjoy my dad since her own never wanted her and never loved her but at least mine had been good to me before her. I also told that that I hope my stepsister’s dad came back and she dumped him for the real one since he dumped me for a fake.”
The aftermath was that OP’s father “texted me dozens of times after the lunch saying I reacted too spitefully and his stepdaughter did nothing wrong and I made her cry in a café full of people.”
So she wanted to know, “AITA for telling my dad to f–k off and throwing his stepdaughter’s father in her face?“
The most popular comment on this story started off by simply hoping that the whole story is made up. “I’m really hoping this is a fake post, because I can’t imagine that the only date the stepdaughter could have picked had to be the one day you picked for your wedding.”
If it is, they then suggested, “It sounds like it’s time to block your father, if he chooses his stepdaughter after this,” they continued. “I’m so sorry that your mom died, I’m a mom and I’m sending you virtual hugs. I hope your future in-laws will take you in and love you like you deserve.”
OP replied she was pretty confident “it was so intentionally done by her.” She explained, “She had months to book if she was that determined to get married this year. She just wanted to make this a choice again and he chose. She can keep him now and he should forget I exist. My future ILs are super sweet and I have my grandma who is the best and I’m seeing more and more how amazing she is.”
Another person suggested in response to this, “Perhaps it’s time to start a new tradition where you get given away by your grandmother.”
OP said that grandma (her mom’s mom) will definitely be there, and she’d even initially planned to have her grandma walk her down the aisle, but it was grandma who encouraged her to ask her dad. “I should have stuck to the adult dream instead of the child one,” OP conceded. “At least now I know. She was so angry at him on my behalf too and she’s planning to make sure this wedding is as perfect as it gets.”
OP replied in another comment just how serious she was about wanting to sever ties with her dad, writing, “I blocked him, deleted his number and I removed him from my social media.” Her final solution: “We’re strangers after this. They are not my family. Two of them never were and one tossed me away for someone else.”
As for her conviction that her stepsister booked the same date on purpose, Reddit couldn’t help but to agree. “Damn how did your dad not see that this was done on purpose? I guess he really loves her more,” wrote one, to which OP replied, “That’s how it feels. Or at least he loves being with her mom more than he loves me so he’s willing to deal with whatever to stay married.”
While OP didn’t mention her stepmother’s role in any of those — or really much about her at all — that didn’t stop Reddit from speculating … and sometimes quite harshly. When one asked why OP’s father is so clearly favoring his stepdaughter, another Redditor replied, “Because her mother is f–kng him, and if he doesn’t put her darling baby first, she’ll make his life a living hell. I mean, come on, it’s always the stepmom pulling the strings.”
One person questioned the father’s motives going all the way back to his first mea culpa, as detailed in OP’s story. “It almost seems like the dad intentionally pitted OP and her stepsister against each other,” they wrote. “WHY did he have to make amends to OP on the stepsister’s birthday? He as good as poisoned their relationship.”
“I’m guess old dad wanted DRAMA with both daughter and stepdaughter fighting for his love,” another replied. “Dads a big old loser.”
“The dude sounds manipulative as f–k,” commented one Redditor. “Like, affection isn’t a zero sum game, he could have made it up to his bio daughter without messing over his step daughter. Making up for it by missing a birthday sounds like the logic of a 12 yo. If this isn’t a fake post, then it sounds like he wanted the two daughters to compete for his affection, and intentionally poisoned them against each other”
The father definitely took the brunt of the venom here. “What a spineless coward of a man. To neglect your own daughter. the daughter of the woman, whom he presumably loved, who DIED,” wrote one commenter. “My god I hope he somehow sees this post and all the comments rightfully calling him out on his a–hat self.”
But they also had words of kindness for OP as she moves on from this. “I can see the slow death of your hope that he will prioritize you too,” said one, looking through OP’s comments in the post. “I wanted to give you stranger’s validation for what you already know. You don’t have to continue wondering anymore, you guys were on a redemption arc for your father-child relationship, and turns out, it was very conditional. I hope you’re surrounded by people who love you on your wedding day.”
“Your reaction perhaps wasn’t gracious, but you were purposefully provoked,” wrote another, while another applauded her for “a completely appropriate response. Proud of you.” Still another added, “The only other thing I wish you’d told him is how ashamed your mother would’ve been. Because I’m sure this is not what she would’ve wanted for you.”
One Redditor did not hold back at all, writing, “NTA and I want to punch your dad, step mom, and step sister in the face.”
