A woman is opening up about her recentbirthday party drama — and wondering if she handled the situation correctly.
The woman, 25, posted on Reddit’s “Am I the A——” forum on Friday, Nov. 22, to share that her roommate offered to throw her “a small birthday party” at their condo. “I was on board with it because I don’t like huge gatherings and prefer intimate celebrations with close friends,” she wrote, noting that she has “slight social anxiety as well.”
The roommate — whom the woman refers to as “Sara” in the post — “assured me it would be a ‘small get-together,’ just a few of our mutual friends, cake, and maybe a movie,” the original poster (OP) explained. “That sounded perfect to me.”
But when the day of the gathering arrived, it was “anything but small,” she said. “Sara had invited a ton of people — at least 50. Some were mutual friends, but a lot were people I barely knew or hadn’t even met before. She had also set up a bunch of party decorations, hired a DJ, and there was even a huge table of food and drinks.”
“It felt like a full-blown house party, not the chill gathering I was expecting,” the OP continued, sharing that she “immediately felt overwhelmed.”
She also shared that she does not “do well in big social situations, especially when I’m the center of attention, and this was way more than I had anticipated.”
“After trying to stick it out for a bit, I just couldn’t handle it and decided to leave,” she recalled. “I ended up going to a nearby coffee shop to calm down and clear my head.”
Wondering where the OP went, Sara apparently texted and asked where she had gone, to which the OP texted back, “I wasn’t comfortable with the party and that I needed some space.” This apparently upset Sara, who accused the Reddit user of being “ungrateful.”
The woman went on to share that while some of her friends are on her side after the incident, others think she “overreacted” and that “Sara was just trying to be nice by throwing me a big party.”
“I feel bad for leaving, but I also feel like she completely ignored what I wanted,” she concluded, adding, “[Am I the a——] for walking out of my own birthday party because it wasn’t the ‘small’ event I expected?”
Most Reddit users supported the OP’s decision to leave her birthday party.
“She knew that you wanted a small gathering, and she knew why you wanted it. Sara threw the party she wanted instead, and now she’s trying to guilt you into being ‘grateful’ so that she doesn’t have to admit to herself that she sucks. The truth is that she ruined your birthday. She’s a crappy friend,” one commenter wrote.
Another person called the OP “mature,” writing, “The party was more than expected and made you uncomfortable, you shouldn’t have to stay in a situation that makes you uncomfortable even if it is your birthday party.”
Others suggested that she speak with Sara and express their appreciation while also explaining their aversion to crowds. “Social anxiety can range in magnitude so people don’t always understand the extend to which others suffer,” one person wrote.
