A man offered to take his 5-year-old niece to a father-daughter dance at her school without consulting her absentee father — and now the dad is “mad” that he’s “taking over.”
The 20-year-old man posted about the situation on Reddit’s “Am I the A——” forum on Wednesday, Feb. 5, explaining that his sister got custody of his niece, “Macy,” because their brother is a “deadbeat” and Macy’s biological mother terminated her rights.
“Macy is five now, and she only sees her father when he decides to visit her,” the OP [original poster] continued. “He’s missed birthdays, her first day of kindergarten […], recitals…all things that he said he was attending, but ended up as [a] no-show,” he wrote.
“Despite all of this, Macy still adores him and thinks the world of him,” he said.
The man revealed he and his sister don’t tell their niece when her dad is coming to an event now in order “to save her the disappointment.”
The OP said things recently got tense, however, after he agreed to take Macy to an upcoming father-daughter dance at her school, which she was “begging to go to.”
He said Macy mentioned the dance to her father during a recent visit, and now his brother is angry and accused him of overstepping as an uncle.
“He says that I shouldn’t be taking over, it’s a father-daughter dance and Macy is his kid – not mine,” the OP said, adding, “AITA [am I the a——] for deciding to take my niece to a father-daughter dance without asking her father?”
The Reddit community was quick to rally behind the OP and assure him that he was not, in fact, the jerk here.
“NTA [not the a——],” wrote one Reddit user. “She asked you to go. It was only natural for you to assume that he had bowed out of it. Your brother should be mad at himself for being so neglectful that his own daughter sees her father’s brother as more of a father to her than he is. […] Why is he getting mad about this now? If he wants to be a dad, then he needs to step up and act like one.”
“NTA,” agreed another commenter. “Tell your brother being a sperm donor doesn’t make him a father. Being involved consistently in his daughter’s life, being financially responsible, and actually showing up when he says he will are what matter. Until he proves he is in for the long haul and not going to constantly disappear or not show up, he doesn’t get to lecture you about Macy being his daughter,” they added.
Another user encouraged the OP to ignore his brother’s feelings and to continue doing what he’s always done — a.k.a. be there for Macy.
“You are her father. He is the sperm donor. When she grows up she will realize who he is. Your plan not to get her hopes up is a good one. Ignore his complaints. He hasn’t been there for her, so he feelings are of no consequence,” they wrote.
