A man is spilling the beans about how his girlfriend’s ‘micromanaging’ behavior is grounds for him to stop making her morning coffee.
The 24-year-old boyfriend detailed on Reddit’s “Am I the A——” forum that his 23-year-old girlfriend’s “constant criticism” about the way he prepares her cup of coffee has led to him telling her to make it herself.
“Normally, we have a good routine: I wake up first, make coffee and she wakes up to a nice hot cup,” the man said of his girlfriend, whom he’s been dating for two years and has lived with for about six months.
“Recently, though, she started getting really particular,” he continued. “She insists on using this super specific method: measure the grounds to the exact gram, pre-warm the mug in the microwave for 30 seconds, add the milk at a certain temperature, and on and on.”
A man and woman arguing (stock image).
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After following those directions, because he wanted “to make it nice for her,” he revealed that she started “micromanaging” the process.
“It got to a point where every time I handed her a cup, she’d grill me: ‘Did you weigh the grounds first?’ ‘Did you warm the mug?’ ‘Is this whole milk or 2%?’ ” he recalled. “If anything was off, even by a tiny bit, she’d sigh and say it wasn’t as good as ‘the right way.’ ”
“One morning, she literally took the mug from me, dumped it down the sink, and started the process herself — while ranting that I never do it the right way,” he continued. “I got frustrated and told her, ‘If you’re going to be this picky, just make your own coffee. I’m done making something only to be told how it’s ‘wrong’ every time.’ “
A cup of hot coffee (stock image).
Stefania Pelfini, La Waziya Photography/Getty Stock Image
Then, as the boyfriend noted, his girlfriend got upset.
“[She] said I was overreacting, that she just wants her coffee a certain way, and that I should respect her preferences,” he wrote. “I argued that I was respecting her preference — I just didn’t appreciate the constant criticism or micromanaging. She accused me of being lazy and unaccommodating.”
Feeling “guilty” yet also “tired” of the “constant scrutiny,” the man pondered if he should “suck it up and follow her super detailed instructions” — and asked Redditors if he’s the “[a——] for telling my girlfriend I wouldn’t make her coffee anymore unless she stops micromanaging me?”
His Saturday, Feb. 23, Reddit post netted more than 2,000 responses within 24 hours, with many Redditors reassuring him he’s “NTA [not the a——].”
“NTA. If I ask my boyfriend to do something for me, I accept that it is a favor and I can’t be picky,” one reader commented. “You can’t expect others to do nice things for you if you’re nasty about your expectations for how they’re done. It’s that simple. She sounds like a piece of work.”
Another Redditor replied that this could become a slippery slope.
“That’s pretty much a red flag on how the relationship is going,” the person emphasized. “Next time you make a meal and she tosses it in the trash because it’s not right. It always starts with something small and in six months you’re making three different meals from scratch and she chooses which one is good enough.”
