Birthday cake (stock image). Photo:
Betsie van der Meer/Getty
A bride is feeling hurt and taken aback after her close friend made the decision not to attend her upcoming wedding because it’s the same date as her husband’s birthday.
She shared the situation in a post on Reddit, beginning by detailing the significant effort she made — and expense she incurred — to attend her friend’s own destination wedding in southern Europe two years ago. “At that time, I was struggling financially but I still made it to her wedding. Spent thousands on flights and accommodation and additionally gave a monetary wedding gift,” she recalled.
“Fast forward two years, I’m getting married at the end of this year,” she continued, before addressing the issue. “My wedding day happens to fall on the day of her husband’s birthday.”
She said her friend sent her a message to say that her husband doesn’t want to come to the wedding and she doesn’t want to attend without him. “Literally said, ‘He doesn’t want to come and it’s his birthday so I should be there for him.’ “
“The way she just dismissed me for a birthday is so upsetting,” the bride noted, later clarifying that it “isn’t even a big milestone birthday.”
Two women having an upsetting conversation (stock image).
Shironosov/Getty
The bride also shared some context that makes her friend’s response particularly frustrating — and hypocritical.
“There were moments before her wedding where she was complaining that so many people were bailing (but most had legitimate reasons like pregnancy-related, etc). She would make comments like ‘why would they get pregnant when they know I’m getting married,’ ” she explained.
“She was a bridezilla to say the least, and the world had to revolve around her during this time,” the bride added.
Now that her friend is choosing to prioritize her husband’s birthday over her wedding, the bride says she is ready to “cut her out after this” but wonders if she is “overreacting.”
In the comments, fellow Redditors didn’t mince words in telling the OP that her friend is not very much of a friend at all.
“She’s not really your friend. Cut her out of your life and don’t look back,” one person wrote.
Bride walking down aisle (stock image).
Klaus Vedfelt/Getty
Another person chimed in: “Using the husband as an excuse to not go to your wedding… I’d be asking yourself if your friendship is mutually beneficial or is it one-sided?”
Yet another Redditor sympathized with the bride’s hurt feelings, writing, “That’s got to feel pretty raw emotionally. She really does not deserve to enjoy your friendship. Just ease up on contact and you’ll probably see that it’s one-sided.”
The bride agreed, commenting in reply: “I’m mad at myself for being upset about this. She told me who she is, I need to take that and run with it.”
One commenter even shared that they are in a similar situation as the bride’s friend’s husband — but wouldn’t skip an important wedding because of it.
“I’m going to one of my husband’s friends’ weddings this year… on my birthday. I’ve met these people twice,” they wrote. “Have I kicked off? No. Will I celebrate my birthday a different day? Probably. Does it matter? No, because I’m an adult and not a spoiled child.”
Someone else advised the bride to be direct with her friend about the situation — and let her response guide her as far as the future of their friendship.
“I’d call her out — say ‘you were upset at the people who didn’t come to your wedding. I spent thousands to be there for you. And now you won’t come to mine because it’s your husband’s birthday? He gets a birthday every year. This is a once-in-a-lifetime event,’ ” they wrote. “If after that, she still doesn’t come? Then I’d end the friendship.”
