A mom seeks support from the Reddit community after refusing to bail her 20-year-old son out of $15,000 in credit card debt.
The son, who has a decent job, has accumulated this substantial debt through excessive spending on designer clothes, dining out and weekend getaways. Despite his financial choices, he has come to his mother for help, which has become a pattern that has repeated itself in the past with smaller financial issues.
Stock photo of man looking at credit card bill.
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The mother has previously covered her son’s rent and handled unexpected car repairs. However, she notes, “Every time, he swears it’ll be the last time and that he’ll get his act together with budgeting, but that never happens.”
The cycle of dependency has led her to question whether continuous financial support is truly beneficial for her son. She fears that if she continues to rescue him, he will never learn to manage his finances effectively.
“I love my son to death and want him to do well, but I’m scared that if I keep rescuing him, he’ll never learn to handle his finances.” This concern is compounded by her financial situation, as providing $15,000 would require dipping into her retirement savings, which she has been building for years.
The mother also struggles with family expectations and personal guilt, as her parents always emphasized the importance of helping children in need, including her when she was younger.
“My parents bailed me out when I was younger, so my son could see my refusal as hypocritical, like I’m not giving him the same support I got,” she writes. “It makes me feel like I should step up for him too, but I’m starting to think that might just enable him more.”
Stock photo of man shopping.
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By refusing to help, the mother acknowledges that her son might face serious financial consequences, such as damaged credit or even bankruptcy. This decision could strain their relationship, as her son might feel abandoned or betrayed.
Now the poster is seeking validation for her decision, which she believes is necessary for her son’s long-term financial health, even if it means short-term hardship.
Many Redditors believe she isn’t in the wrong and have offered solutions to help both the poster and her son. One recommends, “Absolutely do not extract your retirement savings for this. Instead, sit with him, and ask him to sit down with you to figure out the problem.”
Another says, “He needs to go to the bank and consolidate his debt into a personal loan. Make him pay it off, with bank interest (but lower than credit card interest would be), so he actually starts to learn to live within his means.”
