A teenaged boy is feeling hurt and embarrassed after learning that his grandparents don’t consider him their ‘real grandson’ because he was adopted.
In a post on Reddit’s “Am I the A——?” forum, the 18-year-old boy explained that his paternal grandparents recently informed his mom that they decided to start a college fund for the teen’s 11-year-old brother.
“They said something about wanting to do it for their grandson and making sure he’s set so he doesn’t have to worry about paying for college,” the boy wrote.
He said that when his mother asked why they had not also started a college fund for him, the grandparents replied that “I wasn’t their ‘real’ grandson.”
“They added something about how I’d ‘get something else’ and accused my mom of expecting too much,” the boy noted, before giving some context to his family dynamics.
He explained that his father began dating his mom when he was 2 years old and adopted him three years later. The couple later welcomed the teen’s younger brother together. The teen never knew his biological father, who was “in and out of jail” and died when he was 3.
“My [adoptive] dad is the only dad I’ve ever known, and I always thought his parents accepted me. But hearing them basically say I wasn’t their ‘real’ grandson hurt,” the teen wrote, noting, “It wasn’t even about the money. It was the fact that I was excluded and realizing the only reason why was because I wasn’t my dad’s biological son.”
The boy said that since hearing about his grandparents’ comment, he views them “differently” and has “tried to keep [his] distance” from them. “They eventually apologized for saying I wasn’t their real grandson, but only because my dad basically forced them to,” he shared. “Over time I realized I didn’t really care anymore, but I just loved them more than they loved me.”
Graduates at graduation ceremony (stock image).
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However, the situation continues to be confusing for the teen. During a Christmas gathering, the family discussed the boy’s upcoming graduation, and the grandparents expressed their excitement about the milestone occasion. The upset teen said he then “shocked” everyone by informing his grandparents that he doesn’t want them at his graduation.
“They asked why, and I told them I remember them saying I wasn’t their real grandson, so it doesn’t make sense for them to want to come to my graduation when they have no ties to me,” the boy recalled.
He went on to share that his parents are urging him to let it go and “move on” since the grandparents apologized and “meant no harm” — but the teen doesn’t believe the apology was sincere. Now, he is standing firm in his declaration that he doesn’t want his grandparents to attend his graduation.
“I told [my dad] I meant what I said and that I don’t want them there,” he wrote, adding, “It’s honestly embarrassing to think they’ve been my grandparents my whole life, only to find out they didn’t even think of me as their grandson … and didn’t accept me.”
In the comments, people sympathized with the boy’s hurt feelings and agreed that this is not something that is easy to shrug off and move past.
“There are some things you just can’t take back and this is one of them. They can apologize all they want, but those words are out there now,” one Redditor wrote. “I feel so bad for OP [original poster] growing up, thinking these people saw him as their ‘grandson,’ only to find out their true feelings, and in a very public way like that. There would be no coming back for me!”
A smashed piggy bank (stock image).
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Another commenter said the boy’s feelings are completely valid and should not be so quickly dismissed by his family members. “This is a BIG deal,” they wrote. “[The grandparents] told OP how they truly view him. They shattered his world view of being their grandchild and loved unconditionally. These are words that cannot be unsaid.”
They also cautioned the teen, “This will need therapy sooner or later. You are dealing with it incredibly well, but it’s easy to internalize stuff even if you have a great support network and good self-esteem.”
Others pointed out that while the grandparents have apologized, “actions speak louder than words.”
“Did they end up creating a college fund for you? Probably not, because they meant every word they said,” someone wrote, adding that the teen has no obligation to invite them to his graduation. “You shouldn’t be subjected to that during a day in which you’re supposed to be happy.”
Another commenter chimed in, “Tell them they can come if they put their money where their mouth is and they provide money for your education like they’re doing for your brother.”
