Billie Eilish may be young, but she says her body feels far from it.
The “Birds of a Feather” singer, 22, shared in the November cover story for Vogue that she’s had her fair share of injuries while performing over the years. She’s specifically dealt with injuries related to her hypermobility, which means her joints stretch further than normal.
“I’ve basically been in pain since I was nine,” she told the outlet, noting that she’s felt like she’s been at war with her body for years. “Growing up, I’d always hear people be like, ‘Just wait until you’re older! You’re going to have so much pain!’ And I remember being so furious.”
Eilish admitted that in addition to the physical problems, performing for thousands can sometimes feel isolating.
“I’ve had some really dark times on tour,” she explained. “For a long time I was kind of living like it was temporary. Like, yeah, I’m touring for now and it’s kind of unpleasant, and whatever. It’ll be over. And the truth is, it’s the rest of my life.”
“I didn’t realize that I could make touring enjoyable,” she continued. “I just was very lonely for many years, and I’m not interested in that anymore. I want to enjoy the show as well as my days.”
Eilish previously opened up about suffering from debilitating depression during an interview with Rolling Stone.
“My whole life, I’ve never been a happy person, really. I’ve been a joyous person, but not a happy person,” the “Bad Guy” singer said back in April. “I experience joy and laughter and I can find fun in things, but I’m a depressed person.”
“I hit a turning point,” she explained. “I had this moment of like, ‘Oh, my God, I haven’t had fun in seven years.’ Truly. I had this illusion that I had, because who experiences going to the Grammys at basically 17 and winning five? But in life, I realized I had really not experienced that much. I didn’t go outside for five years. How was I supposed to have any experiences?”
The Grammy winner told the outlet she’s been trying to return to how she felt in 2019, which she called “the best time of my life.” Eilish added that her third album, Hit Me Hard and Soft, helped her get back to her “old self.”
“This whole process has felt like I’m coming back to the girl that I was,” she said of creating the project. “I’ve been grieving her. I’ve been looking for her in everything, and it’s almost like she got drowned by the world and the media. I don’t remember when she went away.”
