ean and Michele Kanan. Photo:
Paul Archuleta/Getty
Sean Kanan is reflecting on his sobriety journey.
In an exclusive conversation with PEOPLE alongside wife Michele Kanan, the Bold and the Beautiful star, 58, opened up about what motivated him to quit drinking nearly five years ago. He recalled the moment when Michele made a candid plea that hit him “like a lightning bolt.”
“She said to me at one point, ‘I have put my heart and everything into this relationship. Please tell me that I didn’t back the wrong horse,’ ” says Sean, who has portrayed Deacon Sharpe — a character who similarly struggled with alcohol issues — on the daytime soap since 2000.
“I had been trying for a very long time to get sober, and I had intermittent periods of success followed by fairly catastrophic setbacks, let’s say. But when I heard that, I don’t know. The skies parted,” he continues. “It set something in motion that was different than everything before.”
Sean says it was the thought of losing Michele that gave him the push he needed to make a lasting change.
“I believe there’s two forces in the universe that create profound and lasting change in human beings, and that’s fear and love. I was motivated by both,” he explains. “I was in fear of losing the thing that I loved the most, which was Michele, and that was the ultimate catalyst that finally got me to get it together.”
Sean Kanan in ‘The Bold and the Beautiful’ in 2021.
Sonja Flemming/CBS via Getty
Michele quickly clarified that she wasn’t giving Sean an “ultimatum,” but rather offering him a “safe space” to inwardly reflect and do the work to set himself on a path toward sobriety.
“I told him, ‘Look, this is our life together, and it’s either going to be painful and you’re going to watch me slowly die because I love you, and I see that you’re hurting yourself for some reason that I can’t fix, and that’s going to slowly kill me as well. So, we’re in it together. Whatever you want to do, the ball is in your court,’ ” she tells us.
She continues, “To me, being a partner is you take the good and the bad. I always knew that that guy was in there. I just was waiting for him to see that it was okay to come out. I figured if I provided a safe space for him, that he would be able to do it.”
Sean says Michele instinctually knew exactly what he needed in that moment.
“I’m definitely the kind of guy, you put your finger in my chest and you’re not going to get the reaction that you want, but if you give me positive reinforcement and allow me the space to do a little critical thinking, I almost always make the right decision. That’s what Michele did,” he explains. “I mean, she really played the long game. She understood this was not going to be a quick fix, but given the right environment and the right positive reinforcement, that I was going to get it.”
The Cobra Kai star says his hard-fought sobriety has had “a profound effect” on his life and taught him a valuable lesson.
Michele and Sean Kanan in 2023.
Pascal Le Segretain/Getty
“Somebody said something to me once, and it sounds so simple, ‘Would you give up one thing to have everything?’ I gave up this one thing, and I have everything. I mean, I truly have everything,” Sean says. “That doesn’t mean that I don’t strive for more, but my life is amazing. Probably the most incredible part about [giving up alcohol], aside from my relationship with Michele, is that I don’t miss it. It’s not like I’m white knuckling it and I’m hanging on.”
“I attribute it to God, to my relationship with the Almighty that there has been something that has been fundamentally removed from me that I didn’t ever think could be removed,” he continues, adding, “I also attribute a lot of it to my love and relationship with Michele.”
The pair — who married in 2012 — share some of their relationship wisdom in their book Way of the Cobra Couples, released on Oct. 8. According to a synopsis, the book promises to teach readers “the mindset, philosophy and battle-tested strategies that led [Michele and Sean] to a life of meaningful happiness together.”
Michele credits their open communication and unflinching honesty with each other for leading them to a place where their relationship is now stronger than ever.
“When I first met Sean, he was going through some things, and I was also going through some things. We were in this really troubled time in our life, and we didn’t try to hide them or pretend that it wasn’t happening,” she explains. “We just trudged through them. I feel like we came out the other side and are stronger because of it.”
She adds, “Our relationship works because we inherently talk to each other. We inherently care about each other, and we’re respectful to each other.”
