A bride is ‘upset’ after many of her wedding guests chose not to give a gift.
In a post on Reddit, the bride explained that she recently got married but was ‘shocked’ that many of her loved ones opted to skip the custom of giving a gift or even a card to the newlywed couple.
“Probably 70% of guests did not give a gift/a card,” she wrote. “I’m not expecting to be showered in gifts or money or anything, but shocked that people we are close to couldn’t even take the time of day to get us a $.50 card or a homemade card or anything to congratulate us knowing how expensive weddings are in general.”
Her post — which she titled “Is it okay for me to be upset?” — sparked a lively debate in the comments section.
A wedding present (stock image).
Getty
Some people sided with the bride, agreeing that wedding guests should bring gifts and cards. “Yes it’s okay to be upset,” one commenter wrote. “A few people here and there is whatever, but I’d definitely be mad if most people didn’t give anything. Especially when it’s your family so you know they follow the same norms as you.”
Another chimed in, “It’s the most special day of your life, and money/gifts aside, I think it’s really rude for guests to not at least write you a card to wish you well.”
Several people commented that they experienced a similar situation at their own wedding. “We got married three weeks ago and I was also very surprised by the amount of guests that didn’t give a gift or a card. I wouldn’t even show up to a birthday party without at least something 😅,” one Redditor said.
Another added: “We didn’t exactly expect a lot of gifts but very few of my friends got me anything — so far just my maid of honor and one out-of-town friend. Family friends have been very generous, and my husband’s friends all got us something. But none of my friends have, and I just think it’s so odd, especially as I got all the ones whose weddings I attended gifts.”
Still, a number of commenters noted the “new trend” of not giving gifts. “I think there is a poll that 70% of gen z or millenials think it’s okay to not give gifts at weddings,” one person shared.
Someone else agreed, “Unfortunately that seems to be the norm now.”
A bride and groom at their wedding reception (stock image).
Getty
Some others pointed out that weddings (and all of the related events) can be costly for guests, so they shouldn’t feel pressured to also spend money on a gift — especially as their presence at the wedding should be what really matters.
“While I do always give something at a wedding, we have to admit that gifting is out of control,” one person wrote. “First we have the engagement party gift. Then we have the bridal shower gift. Then depending if there’s [bachelor or bachelorette] party or something like that it’s another gift. Then we have the wedding gift. I’d rather have had my people there without a gift than not at all.”
A few Redditors even suggested that the bride’s cards and gifts could have been misplaced or stolen. “If the percentage is that high, you may want to evaluate the possibility that cards were lost or stolen,” someone commented.
Another person took issue with the bride’s statement that her non-gift-giving guests should be considering “how expensive weddings are” to throw.
“The cost of the wedding doesn’t really matter. The reception is to thank guests for attending the wedding. How much the couple spends is a choice. Some do count on getting money back from guests to subsidize costs, but that’s not a sound plan,” they wrote.
“It’s nice for people to give gifts at weddings. I always do, but gifts aren’t required. If people are traveling, they’re less likely to give a gift. I think that’s understandable given how expensive travel is,” they continued. “I wouldn’t interpret the lack of gifts as a sign that your family and friends don’t care about you, though. They all showed up on the day to celebrate you. That’s the part that matters.”
