At some point on every date, or when meeting someone new in general, the question naturally arises, “Tell me about yourself, what do you do for a living?”
I imagine that people with conventional jobs don’t brace themselves in advance for such a seemingly simple query, but my job is far from traditional.
Not only do I write about sex in online and print publications, but I’m going to graduate school to eventually become a clinical sex therapist.
“So, what you’re saying is that you’re basically a nymphomaniac?” I hear the first time I tell a new guy that I blog about sex for a living, as my heart sinks to my chest because I saw this reaction coming from a mile away.
“No, I’m not a nymphomaniac,” I say, letting out an immediate sigh.
Sure, I consider myself a sexual person who just so happens to write and speak about my sexual experiences publicly, but that doesn’t mean I automatically want to jump the bones of everyone who shows interest. On the contrary, I prefer the chase and the buildup to happen for months before I even begin to think about sex.
As if the assumption that I’m down for anything and anyone 24/7 isn’t annoying enough, I can’t begin to count the number of unsolicited dick pics I get in my direct messages on a daily basis in response to the content I post on social media. A stranger on the internet sees “sex blogger” in my Instagram bio and instantly sends their nudes because they assume that I will enjoy that. If I had a dollar for every time a stranger creepily sent me nudes on a social media platform, I’d probably be richer than Jeff Bezos. Luckily, the block button comes in handy when I need it.
And don’t get me started on the random requests I get when I share an article I’ve written about a topic or sexual act that’s more taboo in nature. At this point, whenever I write an article pertaining to threesomes and group sex, I fully expect male acquaintances asking (and sometimes begging) me to have a threesome with them and their girlfriends.
One time the inquiry for a threesome was so extreme that a guy literally put me in a group chat with him and his seemingly reluctant girlfriend, poorly attempting to initiate video chat sex between the three of us while simultaneously texting me privately multiple times saying, “Don’t worry about her silence. She’s just shy, but I swear she wants a threesome as much as I do.”
On the flip side, being a sex blogger is occasionally like a man-repellant; some males just aren’t cool dating someone with a “sexy” persona. I’ve heard a few guys say they would be uncomfortable pursuing a person who is so public about their sex life. There are also moments when men are afraid I’m only using them for juicy content to blog about, so they keep their distance from me.
I don’t fault anyone for feeling that way, because I’d be lying if I said I never used a guy for the sake of an interesting story.
Regardless, I can’t deny that there are some perks to my dating life as a sex blogger as well. I’m fortunate enough to have some of my articles sponsored by sex toy companies, so the companies gift me with free products to review for my readers. Reviewing the products is more fun when I’m in a serious relationship because I have a designated person to be my guinea pig by helping me test out the newest lubes, vibrators, penis sleeves, and BDSM gear, which ends up spicing up my relationship in the process.
Also, I never run out of interesting date ideas because of my access to fun sex conferences, adult industry expos, and educational seminars. I’m sure it’s not a likely occasion that the average person gets invited to a porn convention as a date idea.
But most importantly, being a sex blogger makes it easier to weed out men who don’t have my best interests at heart. Many times I’ve heard someone say, “I’m really interested in hearing more about the cool work that you do,” only for them to segue into invasive questions about what I’m like in bed. So I’m able to quickly tell who genuinely respects my work and who uses it as a punchline or to test how far they can get with me sexually.
Sometimes it also seems like I do more writing about sex than actually having it, but the reality is that if a man has already decided that he wants me to live up to the hype of a woman with the sexual appetite of a nymphomaniac, then that’s how he’ll continue to view me no matter what I say or do. I guess that’s part of the small yet recurring price of being a woman who is open about sex in a male-dominated society that doesn’t know how to view women’s sexuality through an objective lens.
Ultimately, my assumed sexual prowess has nothing to do with my current profession. The only way to know for sure how I am in bed is to get to know me as a person and allow a connection between us to grow enough for us to know each other on a more intimate level.
