Mariska Hargitay is sharing a very personal story. In an essay published by People magazine, the Law and Order: SVU star reveals that she was raped in her 30s by a friend.
Hargitay writes that the experience was all about “dominance” and “control.”
“He was a friend. Then he wasn’t. I tried all the ways I knew to get out of it. I tried to make jokes, to be charming, to set a boundary, to reason, to say no. He grabbed me by the arms and held me down. I was terrified,” she recalls. “I didn’t want it to escalate to violence. I now know it was already sexual violence, but I was afraid he would become physically violent. I went into freeze mode, a common trauma response when there is no option to escape. I checked out of my body.”
Hargitay does not name the man in her essay.
Mariska Hargitay is sharing a very personal story. In an essay published by People magazine, the Law and Order: SVU star reveals that she was raped in her 30s by a friend.
Hargitay writes that the experience was all about “dominance” and “control.”
“He was a friend. Then he wasn’t. I tried all the ways I knew to get out of it. I tried to make jokes, to be charming, to set a boundary, to reason, to say no. He grabbed me by the arms and held me down. I was terrified,” she recalls. “I didn’t want it to escalate to violence. I now know it was already sexual violence, but I was afraid he would become physically violent. I went into freeze mode, a common trauma response when there is no option to escape. I checked out of my body.”
Hargitay does not name the man in her essay.
For 25 years, Hargitay has played Captain Olivia Benson on SVU, a woman who’s dedicated her career to helping victims of special crimes like the one she experienced in her personal life. Hargitay says that survivors often share with her how she’s helped them, but in reality, they have done the same for her.
“Survivors who’ve watched the show have told me I’ve helped them and given them strength. But they’re the ones who’ve been a source of strength for me,” she says. “They’ve experienced darkness and cruelty, an utter disregard for another human being, and they’ve done what they needed to survive. For some, that means making Olivia Benson a big part of their lives—which is an honor beyond measure—for others, it means building a foundation. We’re strong, and we find a way through.”
Almost three decades after the sexual assault incident — and ahead of her 60th birthday — Hargitay says that she knows what justice looks like for her.
“For me, I want an acknowledgment and an apology,” she writes. ‘I’m sorry for what I did to you. I raped you. I am without excuse.’ That is a beginning. I don’t know what is on the other side of it, and it won’t undo what happened, but I know it plays a role in how I will work through this.”
While this part of her story is “painful,” the mother-of-three says that she will not let it define her.
“This is a painful part of my story,”‘ she notes. “The experience was horrible. But it doesn’t come close to defining me, in the same way that no other single part of my story defines me. No single part of anyone’s story defines them.”
