- Devon Stephen told her mother that she couldn’t kiss her newborn baby on the head
- This sparked some backlash from TikTok users after Stephen posted a clip of the interaction, which has garnered more than 8 million views
- Stephen reiterates that it’s a “choice we have made to keep our baby safe”
When new mom Devon Stephen prepared to bring her newborn daughter into the world, she knew she would have to set some boundaries with her loved ones.
“The thing about true boundaries is they aren’t set in place to punish anyone, but they are usually there to protect someone,” the new mom, 26, explains to us.
Stephen posted a video to TikTok reinforcing her no-kissing boundary with her mother. In the clip, the grandmother asked if she could kiss the top of her newborn’s head, and she was met with a firm reiteration of that boundary from Stephen, who said no.
“[These are] some various serious rules,” Stephen explained calmly to her mother. “If your face gets closer than it is right now, I’ll have to remove her.”
The video shows just a 14-second snippet of the interaction, but Stephen says her mother has been incredibly respectful of this boundary.
“This is a choice we have made to keep our baby safe, and we told our families about the choice,” she says. “The best part is that even if they didn’t understand it at first — they tried to, and they accepted it.”
It’s become increasingly common for new parents to request that loved ones don’t kiss their newborn babies, especially in the earliest months of their lives. Following the release of the COVID-19 vaccine, family squabbles were increasingly common as parents wouldn’t let others come and visit their babies without being fully vaccinated.
“Asking people not to kiss your baby is definitely a new precaution, so I understand the confusion. It’s more common among parents my age,” Stephen admits. “It’s actually a generational difference that we talk and laugh about. But it doesn’t mean anyone who had kids before us did anything wrong. Times change and health science evolves.”
She noted that it wasn’t a decision she made just because others online were doing it. “Dustin’s way too old to pick up on trends,” Stephen jokes of her husband. She says she and her husband take their baby’s health “very seriously,” and the recommendation to not let anyone kiss her newborn came directly from her OBGYN.
“Illnesses that can have dangerous effects on a new baby — the common cold, the flu, HSV-1, RSV — are preventable,” Stephen says. “My OB specifically told me how to prevent them: limit contact for a few weeks, no touching the face or hands, and absolutely no kissing.”
The comments on Stephen’s video, which has now been viewed more than 8.5 million times, range from agreement to surprise that she would set such a boundary with her family.
“I wouldn’t dare have kept my mom from kissing my babies,” one commenter noted.
Devon Stephen setting a boundary with her mom.
Devon Stephen/TikTok
But others, whose parents didn’t set a similar boundary, note the consequences they face now.
“I have cold sores for life because my parents didn’t set boundaries,” another TikTok user wrote in the comments on Stephen’s video.
According to the New York State Department of Health, babies who contract HSV (herpes simplex virus) require hospitalization for up to 21 days, and the infection can still cause brain damage or even death. Because of this, the department recommends that anyone with cold sores not kiss babies.
But for Stephen, the decision to implement a strict no-kissing policy is also a personal one. She explains she has a nephew who was “born with a medical condition that has meant that as a 2-year-old, he’s had more operations than I can count on my hand.”
“So no matter how ‘controversial’ some people think it is to tell a grandma she isn’t the exception to the no kissing rule, I’m going to do whatever I can to avoid making my daughter sick,” she states simply.
Ultimately, Stephen isn’t bothered by the comments from those who don’t understand her perspective.
“As RuPaul once said, ‘What other people think of me is none of my business,’ ” she says, quoting the Drag Race host. “People saw a 14-second clip of an interaction that in my family is totally normal. I am the older sister who sets boundaries, my mom is the mom who needs boundaries, my younger sister who recorded the video is my unpaid social media manager (posting it to TikTok was her idea), and my dad simply exists to have a good time. So to us, it was hilarious.”
