A woman says her boyfriend wants to propose with his mom’s ring — but she isn’t thrilled about the idea.
The 25-year-old woman detailed the dilemma in a post on Reddit, explaining that she and her boyfriend recently have been talking about getting engaged. When the conversation came up on Christmas in December, the boyfriend’s mother told the couple that she has a ring given to her by the boyfriend’s father and she would like to pass it on to her son as an engagement ring for his future fiancée.
The woman was initially open to the kind offer, particularly since she recognizes the ring has sentimental significance to her boyfriend and his mom. She explained, “[His] dad very suddenly passed away last year, so I know it must have taken a lot for her to offer this ring up.”
However, when his mom later sent the couple a photo of the ring, her thoughts changed.
“Now don’t get me wrong — the ring is nice, but it’s something I would never pick out for myself and I have dreamt of my engagement ring for years,” she wrote. “I explained this to my boyfriend and he said we could always looks at getting a wedding band to dress it up a bit and make it into something I like.”
“It would be great to have this ring as it has such sentimental value and it means my boyfriend won’t have to pay for an engagement ring,” she reasoned. “It honestly wouldn’t bother if he gets the ring for free, and I know the ring itself is expensive as there are like 7 diamonds on it. But I just can’t shake the feeling that I’m not gonna love my engagement ring.”
She concluded her post by asking fellow Redditors if she’s “the a——” for not wanting her boyfriend’s mom’s ring as her engagement ring.
In the comments section, many people sympathized with the woman’s worry that the ring won’t feel like hers.
“It’s understandable that you want an engagement ring that feels special and personal to you,” read one comment. “While the ring from your boyfriend’s mom holds sentimental value, it’s important that you feel excited and connected to the symbol of your commitment. It’s okay to express your preferences without feeling guilty, especially since you’ve dreamt of your own engagement ring for years.”
They added: “Communication is key here — talk to your boyfriend and his mom with respect about your feelings.”
Another Reddit user agreed, writing, “No, you would not be the [a——]. An engagement ring is something you wear for life. If you don’t like it then it will always keep gnawing at you.”
A man putting an engagement ring on a woman’s finger (stock image).
Getty
Others wondered if the woman could find a compromise and consider having the ring reset or redesigned. “Would you consider resetting the ring in a style you would like?” one person asked, while another chimed in, “Would your MIL and bf be hurt if you had the ring melted and reworked to something you like better? — that could be a compromise and still cheaper than a new ring.”
However, the woman replied that updating the ring wasn’t an option. “I’ve suggested that but she doesn’t want the ring changed and I completely respect that,” she wrote.
A small minority accused the woman of being “harsh” and dismissing her boyfriend and future mother-in-law’s emotional attachment to the ring. “It’s important to consider the sentimentality and meaning behind his mom offering up her ring,” one person wrote, suggesting, “Maybe you can find a way to incorporate both the ring and your dream ring into one beautiful piece.”
