A 54-year-old woman has been left torn on whether or not to end her friendship with two women who hid the fact that they were previously asked on dates by her former husband.
On Feb. 17, the wife explained why her marriage of 31 years was heading toward divorce in a post on the U.K.-based forum Mumsnet, writing under the username Musicismyfriend. Three years ago she decided to stay with her husband after discovering that he had a long-term affair with another woman.
However, she was recently left heartbroken again when she found out the pair were still in contact. He cut things off and denied having met someone else, but the wife claims to have obtained proof that he’s found a new mistress.
“I’ve ended the marriage, but we are still living together until I find a suitable home for myself and my teenage daughter,” the Mumsnet user wrote. “…I’ve now told family and friends that the marriage is over due to his infidelity (I found it hard to tell people, don’t know why I did) but now two of my friends have told me that a few years back he asked both of them out (both friends don’t know each other) yet they both decided not to tell me.
“I’m just thinking why couldn’t they have told me?” the Mumsnet user continued. “I really thought we had a good marriage and before you ask we had a good sex life so don’t know why he wanted them.”
Asking for opinions, she wrote, “Are they really my friends for keeping that from me?”
A flood of responses to the post defended the wife’s friends and argued if she’s been willing to excuse her husband’s behavior in the past she should be as forgiving of her friends.
One person wrote, “Your husband cheated and you stayed. Honestly, if your friends would have told you, what would you have done? They probably thought you wouldn’t leave and they would somehow be blamed. Which could be right.”
Another commenter agreed, saying “In my experience of this, when friends tell someone their husband tried it on — the husband denies it and the friend gets blamed. Women are rarely believed sadly. I don’t think you should hold this against them — your husband put them in a horrible situation.”
However, other people confessed they would struggle to continue with the friendship after the situation.
“I’m probably the minority, but I wouldn’t be able to move past this,” a commenter said. “I wouldn’t be able to look at the friendship the same, knowing my ‘friends’ could withhold such crucial information from me. I’d find it quite humiliating tbh [to be honest].”
