A woman who says she is in a “deep depression” after experiencing two miscarriages is wondering if she’s in the wrong for not being visibly happier over her friend’s pregnancy news.
The woman — who detailed her experience on the popular reddit forum “Am I the A——,” shared that her most recent miscarriage was in January and also says that she has a friend of 20 years who “knows my whole fertility journey.”
The Redditor goes on to explain that she and the friend — who she refers to as “Friend A” — recently got dinner with their third friend — who she calls “Friend B.” She says that as they all sat down, Friend A excitedly blurted out that she was pregnant — and was actively recording their reaction on her phone.
“I felt absolutely sick,” the OP (original poster) wrote, adding that she was “grasping at straws” due to the fact that “I was being recorded and I felt tears coming.”
She says that Friend B — who she notes “knows my journey too” — quickly took over the conversation, and “we spent the rest of the night listening to [Friend A] talk about her pregnancy.”
“Not ONCE did [Friend A] ask how I was doing,” the woman said, while also sharing that she’s noticed that this particular friend has become “less empathetic for others” over the years.
Two women sitting in a restaurant (stock image).
urbazon/Getty Stock Image
The OP says that Friend A and Friend B apparently texted one another privately later in the evening, and Friend B informed Friend A that the OP was likely “upset” and told Friend A that she shouldn’t have recorded the OP’s reaction to the news.
The woman says that Friend A replied that she “shouldn’t be upset with me. It’s a special moment for me and true friends are happy for you regardless.”
The OP says she has not heard from Friend A since the dinner, and also says she has not reached out either. “I know she’ll be texting me in the coming days asking why I’m upset and something about how my experiences shouldn’t dull her moment,” she added.
Reddit users flocked to the post’s comments section to assure the woman that she is definitely not the “a——” here — with many saying that her friend’s behavior was downright callous.
“As a person who has had 4 miscarriages and have lost friends over this exact reason, I am SCREAMING at my phone that you are NOT THE A——!!” wrote one person. They added: “If you Google search ‘how to tell my friend who is going through infertility that I am pregnant,’ the first thing that pops up is to tell them via text so that they can process it. It’s not that you aren’t happy for them! It’s that you are f—— wrecked about yourself. And you should NOT feel bad for feeling the way that you do.”
“NTA [not the a——] by 1 million,” added another. “I’ve also had several miscarriages. It’s f——- awful and I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. […] OP, this person is not your friend. A friend would have at least thought about it. I hope I’m wrong and she apologizes soon after but that was so wrong for her to record it.”
Others noted that friendship means understanding that emotions can be complicated — and that that’s okay.
“True friends understand that you can be happy for them but also incredibly sad and or envious at the same time. Giving you [a] chance to process it in private is a kind thing to do. Telling OP in person I can forgive, recording her reaction not,” said someone else.
