Amanda Kloots is continuing to be open with her grief more than a month after the death of her husband, Nick Cordero. The Broadway star died after a lengthy battle with the coronavirus in July and over the weekend, Kloots updated fans about a painful milestone she recently experienced. 

“I had to pick up Nick’s ashes earlier this week,” she revealed on her Instagram Story. “It was beyond surreal and horrible. But they’re in my possession, and a good friend of mine said some beautiful advice that look at it as you have him with you now, which is really a nice way of looking at it, which is true.”

Kloots got candid about her struggles, saying, “It’s been really hard, some really hard weeks where I’ve literally felt like I can’t even function, where I’m kind of just in a fog where I don’t know what I’m doing or what I’m saying. Thank god for my brother and my sister in law because they’ve rescued me and Elvis a lot.” 

She added that moving into her new house and working on her new hobby of playing tennis have been “exciting” for her. But she still has many difficult moments, including recently seeing The Grinch and being reminded of the holidays. 

“I started bawling because that just made me sad thinking about Christmas already,” she said. “It’s a double edged sword of trying to make yourself happy and then also being in the constant reminder of the change and everything that’s happening our lives right now.”