If there’s one thing that a lot of folks are trying to figure out right now, it’s how to set and establish boundaries with the people they’re close to. Whether that means saying, “Sorry, I can’t attend this gathering indoors because of COVID-19” or cutting ties with a family member, boundaries can look as different as the families they are part of — and setting and maintaining them can be really tricky.

If you’re managing boundaries with a family of origin or you’re establishing them with your chosen family, maintaining healthy boundaries is a way of taking care of your closest relationships. We asked two experts — writer and wellness consultant Alex Elle and therapist and author Andrea Bonior — to share their best techniques for making and maintaining boundaries.

Get really clear with yourself. Ask yourself: What do I need? Trusting yourself to know what boundaries you need can be tricky sometimes, especially if you weren’t raised with a lot of models for what healthy boundaries look like. So get really honest with yourself about the things that you need and want. It could be more independence from your parents or a more positive relationship with a sibling. “Lean in,” Elle says. “You can be your own inner expert. You have the power to do that.” Prioritizing your own needs and wants is an important step to inform the boundaries you create.