WOMEN who have consciously decided not to have children still have to justify that decision in the face of their hostile friends, disappointed relatives and expectant grandmums. They have to alleviate even the ever-present feeling of guilt that this is something they should be doing. Out there, there are outraged group of people determined to take the pressure off contented couples who feel quite complete, thank you very much, without the requisite replacement children.
“Would somebody please tell me about this maternal instinct I’m supposed to have”, asked Anita jokingly, but with a hint of seriousness when the topic of procreation recently reared its interesting head. In her early 30s, a thorough professional with a bachelorette pad to die for, she continued:
“Is it a throbbing primal urge that makes you want to yank babies: from prams and cover them with kisses? Just what is this deep-rooted biological inclination that’s meant to be ingrained like a giant
rock though my very being? To me, the maternal instinct is something dark and brooding that most other women have and I don’t – like at boarding school when everyone except me had
periods.
“All I know is that the maternal instinct makes you long for children from the very depths of your soul regardless of whether or not you have a partner who’s committed. For example, I have friends who
are on their own and are trying their darndest to get pregnant by whatever means they can, no matter what the cost. I find that a lot bewildering. Why bring up a child on your own? Why put a child through life not having or knowing a father? Is it worth the self-sacrifice? Or are these women just being selfish?
“Being single, as well as fulfilled and contented, might have something to do with my own complete and utter lack of maternal instinct. I am so busy that I couldn’t commit to a once-weekly gym treat, let alone a full-time infant. But perhaps when/if I meet a man and fall madly in love, my absent maternal instinct will appear from nowhere to catch me totally unaware and hit me in the face! I’ll want him to be the father of my child and then go into full motherhood mode…
“Somehow, I doubt if this will happen. A friend of mine recently said wistfully that her maternal instinct was forever ebbing and flowing. “When I’m with a partner. It’s definitely flowing,” she admitted. Frankly, mine isn’t there to ebb, flow or trickle in the first place. I do know, however, that the maternal instinct is a strong and mysterious force which should not be dismissed lightly.”
“You cannot understand the dictates of the womb,” said Priscilla, who at age 34, didn’t consciously want a child, yet underwent many of the symptoms of early pregnancy – swollen breasts, morning sickness and so on – only to be told by her doctor that she was suffering a phantom pregnancy. “I loved my partner, but all I could feel was absolute relief that I wasn’t pregnant,” she admitted. She confessed she’d never felt one spark of maternal instinct. “I’d have to surrender the rest of my life for a baby, and
I’ve got too much life to give up. For me, sex is recreational, not procreational. I had always regarded my sexual bits as pleasure zones. Then came the dawning realisation that God had put them
there for reproduction.”
In Anita’s view, “The all-pervasive maternal instinct also veils persistent reasons for not having a baby. None of the heavyweight rational arguments such as having no money or no partner ring
true when the maternal instinct is raging in one’s would-be-lactating breast. If you want a baby, who thinks of the cash? If there’s no partner, you will be mother and father. You’ll cuddle and protect your baby from all of life’s nasties in the nursery world. “One thing is quite certain though. Women who don’t have a maternal instinct are able to be crystal clear about their reasons for
not wanting children – the urge to procreate does not get in the way of their ability to reason.” Peju, in her late thirties and with a long-term partner knows she’ll never have children because her reasons for wanting them are intellectual and not biological. “They’re not reasons to be proud of,” she said. “I’d want to mould the little brat into what I think would be the ideal person. That’s self-aggrandisement on a major scale and, to my mind, that’s not grounds for getting pregnant.
“My partner and I have discussed it and I feel comfortable with my decision. Thank goodness he has a couple of kids from a previous relationship, so there’s no pressure for me to give him a child. Holding any of my friends’ babies’ is a damned sight different from having the child for life. Why should I be made to feel so bad just because I don’t want to jump on the baby merry-go-round?!
All You Need To Know About Various STDs
Chlamydia is the most common sexual infection among young people. It is caused by an organism passed during sex and is treated with antibiotics Genital herpes is a painful condition which involves blisters forming on the vulva. When they burst, they become raw, shallow sores. Fifty per cent of people who suffer from this will experience recurring attacks. Although there is no cure, outbreaks can be helped by aspirins and antibiotics.
Genital warts are small warts inside the vagina which can be caught from other people or even spread from warts on the hand. They are easily treated by a doctor who will cover them with anti-wart paint. Gonorrhea, also known as the clap, is caused by bacteria passed during penetrative or oral se. It’s treated with antibiotics and often no symptoms occur in women. HIV, the virus which causes AIDS, can be passed through unprotected vaginal or anal sex. If you’re sleeping with more than one partner, you should always use a condom to protect yourself. NSU or urethritis is an infection of the urethra – the tube urine passes through Eighty per cent of sufferers are men, so unprotected sex carries a risk of infection. It’s treated with antibiotics.
Trichomonas vaginalis is a bit like thrush. However, the discharge is usually heavier, will smell unpleasant and may be a greenish/yellow colour. It’s treated with tablets.
